Everything’s Free in Heaven

A 95 year old couple died in a car crash after having been married almost 70 years. Thanks to the wife’s interest in health food and exercise, they had been in great health.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with beautiful marble tile and gold trim. As they marveled, the old man, who had been a bit of a tight-wad, asked Peter, “How much is all this going to cost?”

“It’s free,” St. Peter replied, “this is Heaven.”

Next they went out to the backyard to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, “How much are the green fees?”

St. Peter replied, “This is heaven, you play for free.”

Next they went to the club house and saw the extravagant buffet table, with marvelous cuisines beyond their wildest imaginations laid out.

“How much is it to eat?” asked the old man.

“Don’t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!”

“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.

St. Peter replied, “That’s the best part…you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.”

After hearing that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Both St. Peter and the man’s wife tried to calm him down, asking what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, “This is all your fault! If it weren’t for your bran muffins, I could have been here twenty years ago!”

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